I missed my show. Had a feeling but I was sure it was tomorrow.
And I took a walk, and I took a shower, and I spent a lot of time yelling at the girl in the mirror with the tattoo that lies. She's the only person who I don't love.Michael says you become what you hate and I've never really agreed with him, and now I realize that because I've always been what I hate.
There's been a lot of guilt in my life lately, and jealousy and shit. Making little hats for the child my mother is about to have just gets me thinking about the one that I should have. She'd be almost a year old. And I'm jealous of my mother, for whom this comes so easy, and I'm guilty that I'm jealous. Especially since I don't want kids, and since my life would be even more in shambles if I hadn't lost her. Or maybe I do, maybe I'm just too scared to ever consider having them.
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