Seeing The Past

It's been a weird day, or few days, I guess. Night before last Andrea saw a few groups of people we used to know, and tonight I saw Kyle Jones and Rachel (hey Kyle, hope you found it here alright) and really indie John. I think his last name was Metcalf. People who, at one point, were big parts of my life. Of our lives. I don't think that Andrea and I could be separated into two lives at this point. True, we have our own lives, we are our own entities, but they are incredibly intertwined. The beautiful part is that while we are part of each other we still have our own lives. We are Andrastasia but we are Andrea and Anastasia at the same time. The connection we have doesn't get in the way of anything.
But that wasn't my point. My point was that we've been seeing a lot of old faces. It's not that these people are from years ago, either, they're just no longer involved with us. Nobody is really involved with us anymore. I don't really understand why that's necessary.
It's weird to think about what I was doing right now a year ago. Or two years ago. Or three years ago(that's the weirdest one). The things I was obsessing about, the people I spent time with... Every year is starkly different.
When I was 17 I went to bed at 10:00 on new year's eve. I didn't want to see the ball drop. I alphabetized my records and went to sleep. This year I'm going to be in Hyde Park (most likely), resisting the urge to drink and trying to have a good time with people who I don't really see anymore. Maybe I can convince MikeLovely to come with me. Or I'll go wherever he's going, bail out on Andrea (that probably won't happen).
Every season brings these new groups of people from all of these angles. This season it hasn't been as intense, which is why I feel like I need to make note of all the friends I've had and lost over the past few years. I've never had that many friends in my life.
I haven't really lost anyone, though. There have been no big fights (except for that one, but I'm not going to bring it up. As far as I know we're on good terms now), no outright denials of friendship, just a lot of fading out. And it's always me and her at the end. Probably always will be.


(That's a lie. I lost one friend. My ex boyfriend Kyle. I never want to speak to him again, and I'm trying very hard not to go soft on this. Part of me desperately wants to need him, and the rest of me keeps punching that part in the stomach and telling it,"you haven't needed him since the day on the train with the diet orange slurpee. You need him gone". I'm listening, and for the most part that little voice that tells me to instant message him stays silent. I have so much more now.)