It's Done.

cross through the border states to the wrong side
and look away, virginia
him:
spend every day like the past is a bridge crossing twenty years
whispers away, not so much
get your poison tongue out of my ear
here's a fact you cannot rise above:
we'll have problems and then we'll have bigger ones
from damage to damned control
you wanted to go alone though
i never said no
i never said no
her:
spiteful confrontations, trial separations,
it's just another present to get past
the man was very helpful but i knew he wouldn't stay
there used to be a baby but the baby went away
forswear what you undergo
you wanted to go alone though
i never said no
i never said no
it doesn't make me cry to hear dylan say
most likely you go your way
i'll go mine
i'll go mine
i'll go mine
forswear what you undergo
you wanted to go alone though
i never said no
i never said no
-Harvey Danger, Problems and Bigger Ones.*

*On one of the first mixed cds he made for me, after one of the first huge fights. The cd is called a new career in a new town.
On the way home from a conversation with my dear friend Mike Zivat. In the car with the stereo blasting this mixed cd, the one I generally use to torture myself when I'm riding the Amtrak. Instead, on the song that hurts the most I scream along and after the second verse I yell as loudly as i can, through tears and phlegm and coughs, "I've been healed and there is nothing you can do about it! NOTHING!"
And screaming through that and the next few songs. And I am healed, I am whole again, he is just the vampire, the artist in my past. And I can give of myself wholly to everyone. And for the first time ever, I belong wholly to someone who wants all of my love, not just some of it. He isn't uncomfortable.
The beautiful thing is that love only multiplies when it is given. So I have even more to spread around now. Just not physically anymore. I belong to a train conductor, and he belongs to me.
Make no mistake though, I am completed within myself.
Fuck you, Kyle Weiler, it's all been reversed.